Dreams, Wheels of Thought

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Image0077Wheels of thought… rolling; constantly in motion, even when the physical reality is decidedly immobile.  My imagination is still moving, not just forward or back, but in all directions, sometimes all at once.  Ideas glimpsed, grasped at, sometimes snared and wrestled into some vague form of reality.  Of course my reality may be nothing more than a script of fiction scratched out on a single page. The difficulty comes when I try to find a home for all these dreams, thoughts, and ideas… Especially those I fail to capture immediately and completely.

One thing being a truck driver gives you, is time; Copious amounts of time for thought.  I had considered making another blog for my wild imaginings,yet another for a particular story line that continues to flow.  Ideas have flowed freely, even frequently.  Dreams of blog designs, banners, background, and even story lines.

Ah but that route is a familiar one indeed.  I have been there before, multiple blogs. Each originally created for a specific line of thinking or subject mater.  Work is what becomes of my entertainment at that instance. Continually feeling pressed, by myself assuredly, to keep up with each.  The act itself stealing the pleasure I find in writing.

The obvious answer to my dilemma, sits before me as I write, and before my readers as they consume my irrationality.  I have a blog already constructed, albeit basic in design and scope.  Why not expand, perhaps even improve a little, on that which already exists.  I will be working on Wandering Gypsy Spirit over the next few weeks, changing, molding it into something a little different.  The scope will become, certainly more open, allowing a wider range of topic, including a spattering of fiction every once in a while.

Expect to see some Changes here and there.  I’ll be updating the about page, and perhaps even adding a little personality to the physical design.  I was very good with Blogger, but WordPress is just a little more technical and maybe too costly to do some of the changes I would like. I know the more I play with it, the more confidant I’ll become, and with that; adventurous.

In the mean time, expect to see a more frequent posting schedule.  The topics will be wide ranging and varied.  Know one thing, I do not blog for profit.  I will not be adding advertisements or those screwy keywords that take you magically to some online gambling site.

Myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths!
                            Joseph Campbell

All In a Straight Circle

Just this morning I realized that today was the anniversary of the first American Terrorist attack. The Oklahoma City Bombing, perpetrated by a group of American Citizens with some pretty screwed up beliefs.

Here we are, 18 years later, reeling from the latest attack on our sense of security and freedoms. This latest alleged to have been committed by another person who went through the trouble to become a naturalized citizen, and his brother.

I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around these two particularly savage, yet cowardly deeds. I say cowardly because the targets were normal everyday people. Children even. What could possibly be so crossed up in the thinking of these people. Where did the wires get shorted out.

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Beauty Comes in Many Forms

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Nature’s beauty can be difficult at times to see. One of the advantages of my chosen career is the chance to see so much of this amazing country.

Today while I was driving through the Mojave Desert, I chanced a glance out the passenger window. Stunned by the unique vistage, my mind began to wander. A clouded sky, casting shadows amount the ragged mountain ranges and barren desert topography. The contradiction was stark and so very intriguing.

I am still struggling to describe the thoughts bouncing around my subconscious.

The Road Beckons, Distant, Whispered, Avaricious

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Silently demanding, whispered desires, melodiously carried on the breeze. The solitude, so valued, seemingly exotic and intoxicating, is just over the horizon.

My days as a trainer are nearing an inevitable conclusion. I have resigned my status as mentor, in favor of a peaceful isolation. My last apprentice will be getting off the truck tomorrow to continue his journey with another.

After running solo just over a month, I had taken on another student. Reality though, has reared up to present obstacles of a unique manufacture. After the previous three students, each a provocation in their own challenges to me. Three times, separate and individual, my life has passed before my eyes. Three distinct ”roll over risks” have rendered me ineffective as a trainer.

I now find it impossible to sleep anytime a student, or anyone else for that matter, is driving. This presents a serious issue when my own drive shift comes around. Since this also negates the financial incentives to training, I decided that I shall operate solo from here on out. I cannot afford to pay a student and run more like a solo, stopping each night for sleep.

I know this means a tightening of the belt, and perhaps a few hungry days or nights. Yet my personal sense of self preservation is rejoicing with untempered satisfaction. I would rather be slightly starved from time to time, and remain in one piece, rather than suffering the obvious potential injuries.

The Road is Life

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The road is my home. Long stretches of swarthy oiled macadam, unfolding to the horizons. My boundaries change daily, even hourly. This is one of the many reasons I love my job. The challenge of being in a new location day by day, is also one of the grandest of rewards.

Whether the horizon is that of the praries, deserts, mountains, or oceans… is of no real distinction. Each one has an allurement unique unto itself. Being privileged to view, touch upon, perhaps even owe alliegence to unmistakable beauty. This is my constancy, my communion, my temerity. The open road leading towards an uncertain future just over the next visage.

I take strength in the unhurried yet deliberate rising of a morning sun. The obscurity of a moonless night giving way to the dawning brilliance of yet another new day. A tenebrous sky evolving ever so slowly through all the shades of grey to startling azure, set ablaze with a kaleidoscope of golden saffron, orange, and firey magenta. A promise of nothing more than a simple continuation of existence.

Choice… free will… takes care of the rest. Perspectives change with the purview.

What I See Out My Window

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A few weeks back, WordPress’s Daily Prompt was a simple question. ”Find the nearest window. Look outside. What is the most interesting thing you see? What is the least interesting thing? If you don’t have a window, close your eyes and imagine one: what do you see when you look through it? ” Sounds simple enough right, or perhaps not… Either way, a very  intriguing query.

When I first read the post, I happened to be standing in front of a large window, looking out over a snow covered field, surrounded by a stand of skeletonized trees. My first impulse was to sit down a write an article describing, in painful detail, exactly what I saw out that window. The crystalline perfection and purity of a fresh white blanket of snow, obscuring all… including any possible imperfections. Dormant trees, in their skeletal simplicity, guardians of sort. Sunlight, glaringly bright, reflecting off the icy surface. I still have that draft saved on my phone.

Today however, as I was driving into the sunset I was struck with an epiphany. What I see out My Window is an open road, leading to a startlingly beautiful sunset. A paved roadway, certainly a prepared path of sorts, yet one that has intersections, branches and possibly even some detours. A path requiring decisions… Choices of fate even. Something that provides me a sense of comfort, somehow soothing in itself. A promise of an ending, leading to a new beginning.

For every sunset, the dawning of the next holds a new and promising sunrise.

A Harbinger

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The white owl, astute and contemplative, in the ways of the world… Native American culture relates him or her, to be a spirit guide who appears when some change is needed in one’s life. I have my own vision of the Grand White Owl. His intuitive perception has been guiding me now for a few months. All people initiate change in their own life to alter, or perhaps correct a portion of their existence that has been unsettling or unbalanced for some time. Change is not entered into without serious contemplation. For myself, it has been building for a few years. The future can never be known or at least should not ever be known. I do know that with the support of those truly close to me, my own future will be far more appealing to me. Change is never easy, and can quite often be painful, or cause deep torment. It was never my intention to hurt anyone, yet this particular form of change leaves no opportunity to avoid it. It is now time for me to move forward with my life. Building on my dreams that some have never been able to see or even grasp. Surrounding myself with the support of those who do see and even encourage my dreams. I know this post may be a little vague, but enlightenment will come at a more appropriate time, not too far into the future. Bear with me, and I will loosen my tongue. For the time being, I hope to begin posting more regularly now.

Raucous Silence

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” True silence is the rest of the mind, and is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. ”
William Penn

Silence is one of those commodities that seems to be taken for granted all too often. I find it to be the one thing I crave above all else while I’m training students. It is very hard to describe, and perhaps even harder to understand at times. The simple presence of another individual within my little sphere of existence can be a screaming cacophony of NOISE. Even if nary a word is ever spoken.

There are times when I am secluded on a never ending road to absolutely nothing, like the Salt Flats west of Salt Lake City. I feel crowded with raucous discourse . The totality of my silent prison is nearly deafening. The simple knowledge that I am locked into this little space I call home with another person is an ardent asault on my solitude. It feels like a most intrusive invasion of basic privacy.

New Year… New Horizons

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2013 started without me. I woke to find I had missed the moment completely. So many neglected moments, passing without the notice or even an acknowledgement from me. A moment of such significance, and here I am, sleeping through it. I had planned to be awake at the very moment and sharing it with someone very special, albeit, telephonicaly. Yet, there I slept cozied up in my little world, completely disregarding everything else.

The best part about a New Year, is the idea of a fresh start. We can start the new year out with a clean slate if you will. It is a time for resolutions, a commitment to change something in life that may not be working. This year, I am going to be resolute about my resolutions. Some of my changes have already started, seen progress and some disappointment. Many are in the works, waiting for the right moment to start the ball rolling.

One of the things that I have already started, is a renewed effort to become more healthy. This includes my quiting the dam cigarettes. I know many of you that have followed my old blogs, (on that other bogging platform) might remember a similar effort not that long ago. This time around, I have many, far better reasons, and a wonderfully improved support system. The funny thing is, my smart phone is going to help also. Believe it or not, ”they have an app for that”. I downloaded and installed Quit Now, and am using it to help. It really is just another support system, but has some additional value. It helps you track yor progress, and even gives you updated statistics that results from said progress. I am willing to take all the help I can get, because this is not easy. Like I said, I am making progress, but there have been disappointments. It is a slippery slope, I just have to keep moving forward, and avoid sliding back.

Another thing I plan on doing, is taking a more proactive, business approach to my job. I am an independent contractor, so it is a business after all. I am building a database to track just about every expense you can imagine. Hopefully it will help make improvements where I can, like fuel milage. There are a lot of little expenses that I may be able to cut back on or figure a way to combine with others to reduce my costs. The more complete picture I develope, the more accurate plan I can create.

There are other changes I plan, but will have to wait to share those. For the time being, I am looking forward to 2013. I have high hopes for profitable and productive year. Besides, there are many miles to go, places to see, people to meet. Not to mention all of the new sunrises I get to see just over the next horizon.

”The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

Pearls of Nostalgia

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English: Pearls Polski: Perła na muszli perłopława

English: Pearls Polski: Perła na muszli perłopława (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Fond memories, are like precious little pearls.  Particles of sand that are built upon, layer by layer in an oysters’ shell.  Oysters secrete calcium carbonate in layers around the tiny particle of sand.  Layers that build a lustrous, colorful surface that can be quite breathtaking.  They polish and build their pearls to be gems of amazing beauty. 

Memories are quite often built the same way.  We hold a little picture of what was.  Perhaps one we may be very fond of, and our mind builds on that basis.  Adding layer upon layer of gloss and color to those fabulous little gems. Creating a thing of great beauty and glamour.  Pearls of nostalgia, are something to be examined and viewed with a patient eye.  Handling them with care, polishing the surface, carefully placing them back where they can be protected. Something to be treasured and cherished. One never knows when the time will come that the original will be revisited in life. 

When you come across one of these gems in your life, hold it close, welcome the feelings that accompany it.  Hope that the pearl is just as lustrous, colorful, and precious as you recall.  If you are lucky, the new is far superior, and much more delicately beautiful.  A childhood crush that was never acted upon or pursued could very well turn out to be the love never dreamed possible.

We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.”
Orson Welles

 

 

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